I was left with no choice to have.
Brought into the classroom in cuffs,
The more Id learn I knew would burn
My soul with fuel from questions new.
Push the pencil to the paper,
Push the faith into the pages.
As the wall builds up now with fact
The hammer only lies away.
Midterms come and go as time goes
On and on or so Ive been taught
That when the life I fake crumbles
No self stays to turn the next page.
But while finals loom in April,
I suddenly understand,
Cram away and youll be lost when
The last one is a group exam.
The entire poem is a metaphor that compares the expressed progress of taking an academic course, with the implicit situation of coming to terms with mortality. The relationship works on a personal level because I found that as I initially gained academic knowledge, I began to lose the ability to cope with the reality of death. Ironically, it would turn out that continuing to learn would resolve my issues. It’s difficult to explain, but what started out as science nullifying religion and faith, eventually developed into scientific data strengthening my personal belief that death is not “nothingness” (because “nothing” is a false concept with no actual example; even energy fills so-called “empty” space). Also, taking from Eastern traditions, I learned that the self is another illusion and one that must be overcome before death can truly be accepted. The group exam part only makes sense once the self has been defeated, and refers to a theorized collectiveness throughout the universe. Id also likes to explain the eight-line. The hammer “lies” is a play on words that references the power that my former beliefs had against the “wall” of mortality related anxiety, even though I came to realize that the basis of these beliefs was almost certainly misrepresented. So the hammer is lies, and it also now lies out of reach due to the newfound knowledge.